i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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