Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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