Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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