I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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