Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
