You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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