About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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