Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
