i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
