Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just used a chaser for red wine.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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