i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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