I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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