Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
