My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You are a genius and a whore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
