I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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