i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
