That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
