What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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