shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize