butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The air was thick with penises
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
