She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
