I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
