I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
