I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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