you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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