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I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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