True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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