I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
