im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
