Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
