my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
