am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
