Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
