If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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