recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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