She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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