fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
