You're my little dorito
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
