bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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