If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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