OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
