He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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