So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can't special order awesome
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
