Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
