So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
