spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
