I'm going to jail i love you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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