I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
