I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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