Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
