it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
