he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
