9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
