i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
