The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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