How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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