She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
