Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
