is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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