I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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