Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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