imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
